I've been advised by my Marketing Department (read: "a couple of people I spoke to") that blogs help you rank better in Google. Unfortunately, a great blogger doesn't necessarily make a great photographer (and visa versa, incidentally), but I don't have much chance of changing Google, so I better change myself. Fear not though, I have my opinions about weddings and the bloated wedding "industry" but I've never been inclined to put pen to paper. I must admit though, that this process has actually been quite cathartic. Who knows, it might even help someone.

"Expect the worst and we won't be disappointed." - Tim Freedman

Although, I prefer to call myself not a pessimist, but a realist.

How do you define marriage? Should your wedding day reflect the essence of what you imagine your marriage will be? Does this include the colour of the table runners, how many tiers your cake will have, or how expensive your rings are?

Here's a funny thing. Sometimes marriage is about love. Well, the successful ones seem to be. If you're getting married, hopefully you know what love is. Do you know what love is? Describe it for me.

If you're feeling elusive, you might suggest that love is indescribable. In that case, either it IS indescribable or you simply cannot find the words. Luckily, the words don't matter. But the feeling does. But you do need to say SOMETHING during your vows.

The question of why so many marriages end in divorce (about half, according to the ABS) has been asked many times. I wonder how those couples would've described love when they got married. I wonder more about how many of these broken marriages started with a glitzy expensive wedding.

I have a completely arrogant, unproven theory that suggests that the more love you have for the table runners, wedding cake, and rings, the less you have for the person you're marrying. A big claim, sure. Of course, it could also be suggested that you must REALLY love your partner if you're willing to spend so much on the ceremony. However, I believe the reasons for the peacock-style display of extravagance on one's wedding day are complex, not least of which is the western show of riches to impress one's friends (whether one realises it or not).

Attempting to impress your friends without really knowing what actually impresses them is probably more a result of personal insecurities, but I do believe it detracts from the matter at hand; you know, that love thing.

But then, what do I know? I was a geek growing up, bullied a bit at school, and was too shy to speak openly until I was much older. I didn't even date, let alone experience mutual love, until well after the legal drinking age, which is quite telling actually. Love arrived late, but better late than never. Who'd have thought that geeks could experience love?

Anyway, my being male (and a bit of a geek - not so much these days, admittedly) predisposes me to a higher level of pragmatism. Which, ironically, leads to less wedding day fluff and more focus on what we're all there for in the first place.

Let me introduce a couple of mates of mine: Expectation and Disappointment. They get on fabulously. A match made in heaven! Where one goes, the other is sure to follow. They're not jealous types; they just love each other so much that they can't stand to be apart. Why are they my mates? Well, I've known them for a long time and they've taught me so much. But because they're so inseparable, if you've met one, you're either about to meet the other, or you've met them already and don't realise it.

Twelve months or more is a long time to build a tower of expectation. To imagine how perfect your day will be. How you'll be standing right here, your partner just there on that spot marked "X", with fairies circling overhead dropping strawberry flavoured glitter and magic. With so much love flowing around the room you'll wonder how the walls can possibly contain it. Unfortunately (unless you're a creative writer), imaginations have a tendency to run wild. Especially across such a vast expanse of time.

Don't get me wrong. There is beauty to be had in weddings, but it comes from the expression of love, not wealth. Even basic no-nonsense (read: "more love") weddings are at risk with what is still usually a year or more of thinking about it. The frilly ceremonies on the other hand don't stand a chance at taming expectation and are often arranged with the belief that the more "stuff" there is, the better the day will be. Well, here's an alternative view: the more "stuff" there is, the more things that can go wrong, which (ironically again) is more likely to derail the perfectionist.

I now even apply this universal theory to my overseas travel. I hate booking hotels ahead because it means I have to actually get there on time rather than stay at this gorgeous place right here for another night because it has so much character and rustic charm.

Maybe this is why I love the idea of eloping (and hate royal weddings). Clearly, I'm not the lone ranger. The allure of matrimony with minimal intervention (and a hint of rebellion) is appreciated by many, but followed through by precious few: those couples either with small or very understanding families or those brave enough to face the fallout from loved ones afterwards. The simplicity of running off hand-in-hand towards the sunset does sound incredibly romantic. And that is exactly my point.

Understandably of course, many couples wish to share their special day with all of their family and friends and fair enough. But unless you're a psychic, the only way to reduce the chance of disappointment is to lower your expectations.

The acronym KISS has never seemed so wonderfully relevant.

Marty is a professional wedding and portrait photographer with a penchant for dramatic landscapes. And offering unsolicited advice.

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